Over a year ago on my daily commute I started smiling at a beautiful lady driving in the opposite direction. One morning I followed her into her car park, pulled out my business card and said: "Get in touch" and she said: "Sure." Why hasn't she? I'm a 26-year-old IT professional, and she's in her early 40s. What should I do? Should I wait for her at her workplace?
THE DILEMMA Over a year ago, on my daily commute stuck in traffic on a busy road, I noticed a beautiful lady driving in the opposite direction. For months it was eye contact as we went past. Late last year we started smiling, then I started to flash my headlights. One morning I did a U-turn and followed her into her car park ? I parked and she came out smiling. I pulled out my business card and said: "Get in touch" and she said: "Sure." The daily commute continues and she makes the extra effort to wave, etc, but I'm thinking: why isn't she getting in touch? Did I give her the correct card? I'm a 26-year-old IT professional, and she seems to be in her early 40s. What should I do? Should I wait for her at her workplace to make contact?
MARIELLA REPLIES Once upon a time I would have accused you of being a bit of a stalker. Now that Prince William has married his one-time ardent fan, setting your sights on a partner and pursuing them to success has become an acceptable form of engagement. When she was in her teens our new HRH Duchess of Cambridge was allegedly so enamoured of the young prince we're told that her schoolmates nicknamed her "princess in waiting".
Bet her girl pals are sniggering on the other side of their faces now that she's holed up in St James's Palace with the known world in supplication while they're still working as chalet girls and fashion PRs. It brings a whole new relevance to the idea of "living the dream". The sort of commitment to a relationship that saw a nice middle-class girl eschew more genteel establishments for a windswept Scottish town better known for golf than academia certainly raised the bar on dating etiquette. Our future monarch won't be the first famous person to be seduced by undying devotion from a prospective partner. The more you get used to that level of commitment, the more natural it feels? so I've heard.
Prior to these recent events I admit I might have been a bit more dismissive of your pursuit of this woman, but who am I to mock you for holding a candle for a complete stranger, at least a decade older, when a woman without a title has just sashayed up the aisle of Westminster Abbey with the highest prince of all? Last time there was such a break with convention the monarch had to abdicate; now we're holding street parties for the happy couple! That's what I call progress.
So what of you and your traffic-jam belle? The signals aren't exactly good, are they? Is she definitely smiling at you? Or grimacing in a "Help ? there's that nutter again" sort of way? I don't want to sound old-fashioned about this, but handing a woman your card is no guarantee that she'll ring you. In fact, I'd be slightly apprehensive if she did.
Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. A guy who drives past her on a regular basis grinning like a lunatic follows her to work, accosts her in the car park and thrusts his business card in her hand? It's not exactly Love Story! Neither is it going to bowl her over with a warm sense of security and romance.
How about next time you hop out from behind your steering wheel and ask her out instead of throwing the ball back at her? Or for something a bit less threatening, try asking if you can email her ? you're an IT specialist, after all! Girls are warned from an early age not to be lured into conversations with strangers ? just imagine how intimidating it must feel to have some guy doing a daily drive-by. She doesn't know it's your route to work, does she? At least if she lets you communicate with her in cyberspace you can reassure her about your motives.
That said, what are your motives? I wouldn't mind a bit of reassurance myself. Falling in love with a complete stranger, clearly your senior, about whom you know nothing, and maintaining your infatuation, forsaking all others, for more than a year suggests an inclination toward fantasy over reality. I'm all for love at first sight, but isn't there anyone slightly more tangible with the potential for a similar grip on your imagination? How about a nice girl lingering by the water cooler, or would that be too close for comfort?
Unlike in the case of our fair new duchess, the more common sequel to a crush is crushing disappointment. I suggest you either raise your game and ask this woman out or find an alternative route to work and a real-life girlfriend.
If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk. To have your say on this week's column, go to guardian.co.uk/dearmariella. Follow Mariella on Twitter at @mariellaf1
Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/may/15/mariella-frostrup-commute-pursue-contact
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