It excludes people with less luxuriant locks from joining the latest fashion trend
So apparently big hair is very, er, big this year. What's that about?
Claire, London
I'll tell you what it's about, Claire: it's about fashion finally reaching the absolute nadir of cruelty and exclusion. I shall explain.
We all know that fashion is, and should be, about beautiful clothes that allow people to express themselves and make them feel like their most beautiful selves. We also all know that fashion is, and shouldn't be, about making people feel really, really bad about themselves. There are certain elements of the fashion business that operate under pretty much the same mentality as Regina George, played by Rachel McAdams, in Mean Girls. Regina, the school's queen bee, attained power through a mix of 90% cruelty and 10% teasing kindness, the latter acting as a carrot to lure the unwitting towards the former. She made people feel as if they were humble pilgrims being blessed by the Pope if she spoke to them, however insincerely, and ostensibly ruled by sadism.
Which brings us to the fashion business. Again, I stress, not all of fashion is like this ? but quite a few fashion trends are. Fashion trends, as has been discussed before here, have nothing to do with looking good, they are entirely about looking different (except that, with the kind of irony Alanis Morissette might enjoy, they are also entirely about making everyone look exactly the same). And some fashion trends also make most people ? as many of you have noted in the past ? look extremely bad. This is partly due to the simple economics: after all, there are only so many flattering trends, and designers need to space out their revivals long enough that people don't still have the clothes from the last time that trend was in fashion, otherwise they wouldn't buy new clothes, and then what's the point?
But it's also down to the queen bee factor. By making fashion trends that suit only the very thin, very tall and very young (jumpsuits, body-con, anything with the word "mini" in the name, etc etc), designers are reminding you that, really, fashion is not for you ? it is only for the elite. Thus, by extension, whenever a trend comes along that, miraculously, does make you look good, you should immediately buy the whole collection in order to take advantage of the rare portal into this magic, special world (even if that portal is pretty much open to anyone with a credit card, but let's not get flustered with specifics).
Which brings me, eventually, to big hair. Now here is a trend that is steeped in exclusivity. We've all heard tell how fashion designers frequently exclude against anyone who isn't young, thin and caucasian, but, to be fair, they occasionally allow representatives from other groups to grace their runways, like a token freakshow at the circus. Bless! But I'll tell you a group that is always excluded from fashion: those of us with thin hair. It is just outrageous! Not once have I seen Karl Lagerfeld drape his arm around a limp-haired lady and claim that being able to see her scalp through her hair from 40 paces is so "chic" (while just about hiding his moue of disgust). And now ? big hair, which is pretty much the equivalent of a mini-jumpsuit in terms of fashion trends. Thanks a bunch, fashion. Prepare to hear from my lawyers anon.
I am due to accompany my wife to a "gala award ceremony". What should I wear? My suit is now 13 years old and the trousers are worn almost see-through. I'm 44, 5ft 8in and skinny.
Martin, by email
Bless you, Martin, bless you. You see, when I first read your question my immediate reaction was not inspiration but mystification. Specifically, if one were to put words to it, I thought, "Why the bejeezus is this gentleman writing to me when he knows the answer so well that it is in his freaking question! Clue: it's in the third sentence, second word, between the words "my" and "is". Then I thought maybe he just wanted some jokes, citing poorly dressed men at awards ceremonies gone past, and almost certainly at least one of those jokes would involve the words "Billy Bob Thornton".
But then, I realised that, actually, you're just as pround as punch of your wife for having been invited to this ceremony that you just want to give her a little tip of your hat in a newspaper. And quite right, too. Martin, I hope you and your accomplished wife have an excellent time at this gala award ceremony, and enjoy your new suit, too.
Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/may/15/ask-hadley-big-hair-cruel
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